Mid-Fall Update
*insert hanging-in-there inspirational poster*
School/Career Updates
Well… School is in full swing by now. Teaching has been going smoothly. It’s a three hour class in a residential hall classroom with 50 students and the room is NOT air-conditioned well. I am BEGGING for the weather to turn as soon as possible. Location and weather aside, the class has been interesting to teach. Hopefully I’ll be teaching it again next semester, but that’s unconfirmed as of yet.
As far as my own classes go, I have little to report right now. My semantics class is all about the semantics of numerals, so the past couple of papers we’ve read have been about 0 and all the problems that comes with such a strange number. In sociolinguistics, we’re covering the standards, but will be moving towards paper proposals soon. I have an idea of what I’d like to explore, but that’s subject to change depending on the preliminary research I have yet to do. I’m also observing the undergraduate version of the syntax class I took last fall. It’s been really good to reinforce some concepts I felt totally waylaid by. I felt overwhelmed and swamped last fall, so it’s been good to cover much of the same material at a bit of a slower pace.
Right now, I’m also thinking about job applications and PhD applications. Over the last few months, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ve been white-knuckling through burnout for QUITE some time and I need to give myself a break. I really wanted to get a second PhD, but if it’s at the cost of my mental and physical health, it’s not worth it at all. Realizing this was a bit of a blow to my self-esteem, but I think going on the job market to teach in English is the best decision for me financially and health-wise. I have some schools I’ve identified to apply to (and I’ve already done one app completely), but let me know if you hear of anything up my alley.
I’m only planning on a couple PhD applications and that’s only because they’re each a very good fit and not a reach academically or geographically. I love school so much, but I’ve been in college for going on 14 years now. I need a respite.
Life Updates
I have to say, I have very little to report on the “Life Updates” front as well. Mostly, I’m just maintaining my life as best as I can. The most major change in my life since my last substack is that I’ve been going to the gym very regularly. I am very annoyed to report that every single person who told me that regular exercise would help/alleviate many of problems was right. Yes, I am stubbornly admitting that going to the gym has had a myriad of beneficial side effects, including better sleep, better food/alcohol consumption, and better mood. I hope y’all are happy about it >:( .
But truly, I can’t tell you what switch flipped in my brain, because even up to a few months ago, I would tell you that the idea of the gym and any strenuous exercise makes me wanna barf. But here I am, writing this letter in gym clothes because I might go work out after I hit send.
On the therapy side of things, that’s been going well too. I’m trying to figure out what specific issues I want to work on. I’ve mentioned self-esteem, self-compassion, and my relationship with masculinity in previous letters, but those are kind of broad, abstract concepts. I can tell my therapist would like to hone in on something. The problem is that I have no idea what, exactly, there is to hone in on. I’ve had bad experiences with therapy in the past (lol, gay conversion for example), so I’ve got all of these irritating barriers up and half the time I’m not aware of them. I’m not quite self-sabotaging, but I’m definitely getting in my own way.
In Lieu of a Recipe, More Joys:
On Spotify: Remi Wolf, Small Fools, and Matthew Halsall
On Cloud shoes (which I received for Christmas from my Aunt Heidi)
PB2 powder, which DRAMATICALLY improves the taste of protein powders
The block button on every dating app. Men are a disease, I fear
And before I let you go, a pic of Queen Lysistrata:
Beloveds,
Thanks for taking the time to read. Unfortunately, I have to go to the gym or else go back to reading about the ontology of numbers. Prayers appreciated.