Pre-Summer Update

Retail therapy is dangerous. I bought a lot of pens and perfumes.

HEY I HAVE A BOOK YOU CAN PRE-ORDER

Ok, so obviously this is one of the most important things in this update. Please, PLEASE feel free to share and send the link. Tell your friends how I donated organs or rescued kittens. Whatever it takes. PRE-ORDER MY POETRY HERE. Use whichever bookseller you enjoy or request your local bookshop.

LOL, I DROPPED OUT OF MY PROGRAM

I finished my last semester at MSU in the linguistics program and I was DONE. I have been so unbelievably unhappy the past two years (as evidenced by past Substack newsletters), so this isn’t that much of a surprise. It does make me feel like a failure, though. Does it matter that I already have a PhD? No. I feel like a loser. I feel like I reneged on promises I made to others. I feel like shit. This is absolutely a blow to my mental health. AND YET, it is also, slowly, salvaging my mental health. I tried so desperately to fit into this program and it never jived. My chair was never interested in my research (despite it being laid out plainly in my application) and then he abandoned me and his other mentees this year. I was the odd duck. I tried really hard to connect to others, but there was a devastating lack of unity in the department. No community. No support. No love. It put into stark contrast what I had at UNL. It showed, among the four graduate programs I have attended, how the true secret to success is community. Pacific and Nebraska reign supreme. Kwame Dawes knows what the fuck he is doing when he facilitates a program.

So I dropped out/was asked to leave. I had a perfectly fine GPA (3.467), but I wasn’t up to snuff. I was already desperate to leave, so I’m not upset. I AM upset for future students. I used my meeting with the Director of Graduate Studies to outline ways they failed me personally (despite all my efforts to reach out/ask for help, as well as their vague handbook guidelines) and ways they could improve their department culture for the sake of graduate students. If I’m going down here, I’m gonna let you know how you fucked up. I am happy the DGS took ample notes.

SO I’VE APPLIED TO JOBS

One job is at MSU, one job is at Winona State. No updates yet. I had an interview for MSU, but that’s all I can say.

BUT THEN I WENT TO THE UK

Don’t ask me what I spent, or what Mom spent, but we shopped til we dropped. Ate til we were inflate(d). And then got so bent out of shape we upgraded to first class return tickets. DO NOT JUDGE US. It was probably the best value purchase we made all trip. That said, I fear the justifications we'll use for Xmas 2025…

NEXT

I’m gonna spend some time in Winona with Mom, explore my creative writing again without the pressure of linguistics or the PhD (which might mean genres outside of poetry). I’m going to play with my new pens and start researching all the new parfum things my friend Jess has gotten me into. One of my Winona besties, Jana, has recently accepted a position as Dean of the School of Business & Management at SUNY-Brockport, so we’ll be celebrating that with a goodbye party. We just ruined her for caviar, so that WILL be part of the menu, along with plenty of iced tea. I will miss her dearly.

I’m teaching a summer IAH class for MSU right now focused on food and food justice and I’m really happy/excited for that. It’s a very positive thing to focus on academically. At the same time, when it’s done, I’ll be glad to have no other obligations for the summer. I think I need a real break right now. I’ve been so exhausted lately, I feel like I’ve lost the capacity to read deeply. It’s felt very paralyzing in some ways.

Talk to you soon, beloveds.

but also here’s my book link one more time.